So many thoughts run through my head like thousands of car lights on a highway in the darkest of nights. It is amazing how something can be one thing one day, and another the next. Then you look back and see all of the little signs, wonders and hints that tell you, yes it was coming. And they are all those little things that you think to yourself, if I had paid better attention, then I would have been more prepared, I would have ... I would have .... I would have.
My thoughts and feelings seem so entangled at times that I am not sure what I am feeling or what I am thinking. Confusion sets in and makes you question every move, thought, word, feeling and emotion you expressed.
God lives. He loves us, He loves me. He prepares the way through the thick forest that is our life. Even though we feel blind and unable, we move forward. There may be a scratch from a branch, a log we step over, we might even fall from tripping on the uneven ground. However, the way is still cut out and as we follow it our eyes are opened and we will come to a clearing that is greater beyond our comprehension. This feeling of freedom from chaos around is a support to when we cross that clearing and continue our trek to the next one. As we move through the tight quarters, we can close our eyes and remember the freedom we once felt and the peace knowing that there is a place like that ahead.
I have felt disconnected from the Spirit as of late. My soul longs for that welling up inside when I pray, read my scriptures and move through my day. I am in a thick part of my forest, moving forward and remembering the clearing I was able to be in for a little while. Remembering the feeling of peace that I was doing good; good for me, my family and our relationship with God. I am holding on to the lessons learned from my previous trek, reminding myself to pick up my feet, move forward and let God guide me, not just follow Him.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Savannah came to me a couple days ago and said that her tooth was loose. I couldn't feel it wiggle but I told her to keep working on it. Yesterday she had me feel it again and it is loose!! This is one of those terrifying yet exciting moments where your little one is growing older and you can't do anything about it.